Oh The Shame....

I remember last year during the winter I had a fever and I was up all night. It was one of those horrible nights when you can't sleep, you are sweating out a fever, and the TV is your only companion...and there is nothing on. Well, between my delusional episodes I stumbled upon a show that I am almost embarrassed to admit I watched...remember I was near death so you must forgive me.

I stopped on CMT (the first clue that I was feverish) and got hooked on a marathon of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders ~ Making the Team. The two woman who run the DCCs (as they are affectionately referred to) are two former cheerleaders who while older are still beauties and let me just tell you they are serious about their jobs. There will be no untalented, "fat" , or ugly girls allowed and they aren't afraid to say it. It was riveting as they followed the hopefuls through the audition process and finally announced the squad. Anyway, I kept my little secret and blamed the fever on my interest in the show

Well, it's back. I was fumbling through the TV stations the other night and Making the Team 2 is now in full swing. Those damn marathons, it sucked me in and I must admit that I watched three episodes. So now I am watching season 2 ~ so I feel it's time to own it and just state to the world that I enjoy watching this show. I feel like a better person for just admitting it....okay truth be told, I have DVRed new episodes so I figured instead of letting Daniel out me for watching it, I would admit it first :)


here's a snippet from the interview portion...

Interviewer: What do you think about Condoleezza Rice running for President? (trick question)

Candidate: I love our current president (she is from TX after all ~ and she's not a Dixie Chick) but since he can't run again, I think HE would be fine to run.

Interviewer: (with distain) I said Condoleezza Rice...you're okay with that.

Candidate: Yes, HE has every right to run.

Later when doing a post follow-up with the candidate:

"I'm so embarrassed, they asked me how I felt about Condoleezza JONES running for President and she's not even running....

To be fair the sponsors were mortified by her answers and said if anyone is a total dingbat on any portion of an interview it is an instant dismissal for them....and true to their word she was gone.

Lounging by the pool.....

During the week, Finola and I decided to spend Sunday together. I always enjoy when we do that. It a great time to play things by ear and see where the day takes us. I woke up early today~ 7am to be exact (after all I went to bed at 10pm last night). I decided I wasn't in the mood to go to church today ~ I hope all my sinner friends weren't too bad this week because I didn't get to pray for them :) I went for a run and then did my shopping, so I was ready to make plans with Finola by 10:30. We decided to just hang at her place and either play tennis or sit by the pool.

We sat inside the house for about an hour ~ each filling each other in on the events of the last week (I've realized I should just give her my blog address). After that we had a nutritious Finola meal....ruffles & onion dip with a choice of Mallowmar or Stella Dora cookies for dessert.

After our feast we decided to hit the pool. It was beautiful out and I still love the fact that you can lounge by the pool as if it is mid-summer in early October (I will always love that about CA). It was really great to be able to just hang and chat. We can, and always seem to, cover topics from the ridiculous (Britney Spears and who's sleeping with who in Hollywood) to deep thoughts about our beliefs and goals in life.

Finola has definitely come to terms with the fact that she will be moving home. She seems to be in a good place about it. It's interesting because she came to that place when she stopped thinking about her stance on it and tried to put herself in her sister and mothers place. I was most intregued that she was able to see it from Ann's perspective, because she used to always blame Ann in a way for why her mother wouldn't move out here. While I'm so sad that she will be leaving, I do believe it is the best thing for her. She has never truly settled in CA and never would as long as she was far from ma. As I said to her "Little Noni is growing up". I don't think I'm really comprehending what that move will mean to me. I'm sure it is going to be a big loss. With Finola here I feel like I have a link to my past with me ~ it's nice to have a piece of home and someone who "knew me when..."

It's interesting how this whole idea of change just keeps popping up lately.....I'm sure it's a sign from the universe to just deal with it. My first reaction is to want to hold on and resist change, but as we know that just doesn't happen.

Knocked Up on a Saturday Night....

Last night I enjoyed a quiet night a home. I was exhausted from the week and the night before I was out until 2am ~ getting too old for those late nights!!

I thought I would try some light fair last night so I rented Knocked Up. It received great reviews and did well at the box office, so I thought I would give it a try.

It was very enjoyable. It had some very funny parts and I thought it was a very good rental. It was even worth seeing in the movies. The guy who wrote and directed it, Judd Apatow has a lot of buzz right now. He directed Talledega Nights and The 40 Year Old Virgin. This was definitely in the same vein as Virgin. Katherine Heigel did a good job ~ and to my surprise, Ryan Seacrest has a pretty funny cameo where he is pretty much making fun of himself.

I think the performers who stole the show though were Leslie Mann, the woman who plays Katherine's sister and the two little girls who play her daughters. It turns out that she is the wife of the director and the two little girls are their children, but this was definitely a case when nepotism was a good thing. They really stole the show in my book.

So I'll give it a thumbs up. For the mood I was in this was a good antidote.

Fall TV Review...

It's that time of year again...when the DVR goes into overdrive and Oprah decides to do another season...and make a few more billions.

Daniel and I made our list and checked it twice, thumbing through Entertainment Weekly to determine which new shows to give a shot. After watching the premiere episodes of most of the shows, I have to say I'm not overly impressed with the new season.

It's not that any of the shows were horrible ~ it's just that most aren't very memorable. As of now, the only ones I am holding out hope for are Private Practice (good cast and of course I'm rooting for my girl Addison to have a hit show (I know you secretly love her Daniel!), Dirty Sexy Money (I think that's the title) and Pushing Daisies.

The winner by far for me has been Pushing Daisies. It's definitely quirky and whimsical and I really enjoyed the first episode. The lead guy is also cute in a nerdy way. The lead girl is really cute as well and there is something sweet about her ~ they had a really sweet chemistry. Of course Kristin Chenowith is great ~ or at least I have a soft spot for her (she's always be Glinda to me :)

I guess I should be glad I didn't bond with more of the shows or else I would have become a slave to the television. After all ~ I still have my favorites from seasons past (Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Cold Case, Survivor, and Brothers & Sisters) to fit into my schedule.

My McDreamy.....

Isn't he dreamy?? For those of you who don't know him, this is my bartender Tyler. Aside from being a hottie, he's also smart. He's a professor at USD. So far the only flaw I can find is a ten year addition he is nursing....and that is his boyfriend!@#$@#$

Last night I went to Victor and Derek's to meet up with Max and Al and some of their friends to celebrate Max's birthday. After a few drinks at their house we went to Bourbon and of course I did my check in with Tyler. To my horror he told me he gave his notice!! I hope he didn't see the panicked look on my face and hear the quiver in my voice when I said "how could you do this to me?" ~ okay just teasing about the comment but I did get a flash of sadness. He said it was just time and that it (and he) was getting old. I told him now he'll just have to give me a call from time to time to do lunch to catch up (quick rebound from my sadness) and he said absolutely. I shot him a "yeah you'll call" look and he was replied back "for real, we should, I'll call" ~ so now I'll never leave my phone again....hee hee.

Earlier on Friday when I went to work there was an e-mail from Traci our HR VP with an attached voice recording from Tony. He informed us that Ruby, our CEO, is leaving at the end of the month. I'm sad to see her go. She is a great leader and has really done a lot for the company. She is one of those people you can just learn from by observing how she interacts with people and the questions she asks. It should be very interesting to see how things shake out. Tony said he's going to be more involved in the day to day...and that can be taxing!!

It was just another reminder of how everything changes....

Blah Blah Blog.....

I'm back!! It's been so long since I've posted an entry. No real good excuse, just busy and sometimes when work is busy and I spend all day answering e-mail, the last thing I want to do when I get home is to hit the keyboard!! This entry is just going to be a data dump of different ideas, events and tidbits that have been going on with me ~ in no particular order (I stole this type of entry from Norman :)

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Sometimes I'm amazed by the simple things that make me happy. I love going to music stores and looking through the CDs. In particular I love going through the used CD racks. Finding a treasure or a Greatest Hits package for your favorite artist who only had one hit can be lots of fun. This week I went to Best Buy out of sheer boredom at work. Thought I would hit the racks and see what was out there. Great way to spend a lunch hour!! I ended up seeing the soundtrack for Across the Universe ~ although it was $13.99. While it is a double CD, I don't know for me I hate to pay anything more than $9.99.....maybe $10.99 for a great one. That will lead me to the second thing that makes me happy....

I broke down and went up to the counter with my $13.99 CD purchase ~ justifying the purchase to myself with the "sometimes you just need to say what the hell!!". To my delight, the cashier rang it up and said "$10.46 please". I'm embarrassed to say, but she could see the look of glee on my face. So she didn't think I was a complete freak, I stated with a sly grin "Don't you love when that happens". Now she could have given me the whatever eye roll, but she just shook her head and said "yeah, but it sure doesn't happen enough". She totally got where I was coming from...that was cool.

Speaking of the Across the Universe soundtrack ~ it is awesome. I am really digging it. While I like the Beatles, I've never been a die hard fan but I had seen a commercial and had really liked one of the guys voices. That's what prompted me to purchase it. I really love it. The songs are definitely great interpretations of these old classics. This CD would have been worth the $13.99

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Last week I auditioned for the ensemble. I was nervous but I decided to go for it. I think more than making it or not I put myself to the "you have to do this to prove to yourself that you can" mode. I was soooo nervous. The audition was in front of Gary, Lew, Joe and Bruce (and the two other people auditioning). I was the last to go and I could hear my voice shaking as I sang. The good thing is I stayed on pitch and it was all over in 5 minutes. I really left with a sense of satisfaction that no matter what happened I was glad I did it. A day later I got an e-mail from Gary extending an invitation to join them. Now the reality of having to do it has started to sink in, but I think it's going to be a great growth opportunity for me.

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Speaking of growth opportunities....we had a meeting after our church service this week for the New Orleans mission trip. I saw the cast of characters going....Lord give me faith. I'm definitely the youngest by at least 15 years. I don't necessarily mind that but they were all like a bunch of hens...picking and chirping about this and that with one thousand questions for the organizers and not a desire to actually stop talking to listen for an answer. I went to a safe place and realized that I do have faith for as I sat there I thought "what lesson do you want me to learn from this experience Lord??"

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I received an e-mail from Classmates.com the other day. I had updated my information on it but did not join so randomly they will say that someone signed your "guestbook" but they usually don't let you see the message. For some reason I was able to see this one and it was from Ruthie. I grew up with her and she sent a note saying she had been trying to get in touch with me for years and she gave me her e-mail address. Now there is a subset of individuals that I grew up with that were also "outcasts" from the normies at school. Ruthie lived down the street from me and she was year or so younger than me. Because we were in the same hood there was a group of us who were friends. Ruthie was a real trip. She was always really heavy and well definitely belonged in Port Chester with the "greasers" and not Rye with the "preps" that's for sure. Ruthie ended up marrying some Mexican guy and having three kids, and that was all before she was 20 ~ for real. Anyway, she was a good girl with a heart of gold and truth be told, I was probably embarrassed somewhat to be friends with her when we were younger. Not proud to say it, but it's the truth. So now I have the ability to re-establish contact with her...hmmm what is one to do? I haven't e-mailed her yet, I feel like that is another lifetime ago. I'll have to sit with that one for a few more days to see what I'm going to do.

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Last night I sang with the ensemble at the FOG (fellowship of older gays) gathering down at shelter island. It went well and they seemed to like us, so that was good. It was definitely my first real exposure to the dynamics of the ensemble....I think the Lord is trying to teach me a number of lessons right now :)

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Spent a great day with Finola on Sunday. It was good to catch up with her. I feel like we hadn't spent a lot of time together lately. Schedules have just been crazy. I love that I can talk with her about anything from politics to poop...and it's amazing that those two topics can be closer than one would think :) I will be very sad if she moves back to NY. At this point it sounds like it is more a matter of when then if, so that will take some adjustment. It will feel like losing family ~ well closer than some of my family actually.

Okay, I'm signing off now. That was enough of a brain dump for now. I'm not even reading it over, so please forgive if there are typos, fragments or any other signs that I'm a dumb ass :)

Some like it hot....

but not me!! Okay, I'm not one to normally complain about the heat, but it is hotter than hell in our house. I've felt like one of those overheating dogs with their tongues hanging out all weekend. Even the flies are being affected by the heat. I felt like Mr. Miyagi today, a fly buzzed by and I swatted it out of the air, then another went by and I got him also. It's one of those things that you try to do, but you're grossed out if you actually get them.

It's going to be impossible to sleep tonight. I knew I should have gone out and hooked up with someone who has AC....just teasing.

Well, it was a nice weekend though, that's for sure. The great thing is tomorrow is Tuesday so we'll be rolling into the week already.

I wrapped up my stay at MT and Tim's house last night. It's funny because during the first few days I was thinking this place is very ostentatious and was being a bit judgmental and by day three, I'm like...yeah I can get used to this.

It was nice having Munro as a companion for the week. He's a cute dog and pretty low maintenance so that was cool. It's funny because he is totally not the dog you want around when you are reading a scary book and you hear the stairs creaking. Each night as I read Dracula in bed I would get a bit freaked out when I would hear strange noises. As I looked to Munro for comfort or support he was totally oblivious and just sat their licking himself. Having a deaf guard dog is not the way to go, that's for sure.

I was pretty much a slug all weekend. It was so hot that I would get exhausted just watching the US Open on TV. I'm hoping Venus can pull off another victory.

Okay, I'm going to try and go to bed now....let's hope I'm not up in an hour posting another blog because I can't sleep....

A picture is worth a thousand memories....

Last night I received an e-mail from Adrienne. She sent out a video to a group of friends and family members of her new condo. She did a walk through showing everyone her new place now that it has been repainted and decorated. I must admit she did a great job with the walk through, giving a great virtual tour of her new digs (she's got a steady hand for sure. The video wasn't jumpy at all).

It was interesting to see the place with all of her belongings. I recognized a piece of furniture here and there but what struck me most were paintings on the walla. Three of them brought back strong memories for I had brought them into our home. It was an interesting tie back to the past and as I looked at the items I realized they really were a representation of me or at least represented a lot to me.

The first was a painting of a terrace in what would look like Greece or a tropical local. The point of view for the picture is through the archway of a red door that is opening onto the terrace with a view of the ocean in the distance. I remember liking something about the photo but at the time I didn't realize that I had a thing for archways and doorways. As I think of subsequent photos I took (specifically in Mexico and Italy) I realize that I have a fascination with those types of views and structures. There is something fascinating both artistically and philosophically ~ what do open doors and windows represent? I guess depending on who is looking at it or when I am looking at it, the view can be seen as a door closing vs. opening.

The second picture was of a large poster/photo in a black frame of a deserted tropical isle with a big palm tree in the forefront. The water is crystal blue and the sand looks like powdered sugar. I remember that scene as being extremely tranquil and I had it hanging in the bedroom (it's in her bedroom in the new place as well).

The third wall covering is a huge photo of NY City at night. It's really cool. It covers three quarters of a wall, that's how big it is. If you look up close there are some florescent paints over windows and such. The photo used to hang in a local bar in NY. It had a black light over it and when lit the photo looked like the skyline at night. It was way cool in a totally 80s kind of way. It still looks cool without the black light effect.

I had loved the picture and when my brother in law was courting my sister he saved it from the bar that they were tearing down and gave it to her to give to me. He scored major points with both of us for that. I had completely forgotten about that picture and was definitely flooded with memories when I saw it on the video.

It makes me wonder how many memories Adrienne has attached to these pictures. I'm sure they had a bigger effect on me because I am seeing them for the first time in forever, but does she also hold on to these pictures for more reasons than just meet the eye?

It's fascinating to me how ordinary objects and pictures can carry so many memories, feelings, and stories with them and how we surround ourselves with the history that these items keep stored for us.

From Sex...To Drugs...next, Rock 'n Roll....

I just need to say, "God bless the DVD player". I put away my last black mourning outfit (out of respect to Sex and the City) and I've moved on to my next series...WEEDS!! Another quality show and I'm so glad that season 2 just came out on DVD. I've started to watch season 1 again so that I can refresh my memory. It's great to have some quality TV to watch if I'm in the mood for mindless entertainment. I can't take live TV anymore. To start, there is nothing on, and when there is something, it's a tabloid show talking about Lindsay, Paris, Nicole....and any other tragic starlet who is having a bad week.

I was in the kitchen last night and the TV was on in the background. It was ET or Extra or one of those shows and they talked incessantly about inconsequential Hollywood things. That was taxing, but then that show ended and the next started and it covered all of the same information just repackaged with a new host and spin on the story. I literally had to stop what I was doing and go turn off the TV. The noise of continuous talking without saying anything was driving me crazy. Literally!! I'm scared about what is happening to our culture, we are just bombarded constantly with such junk ~ and the scary thing is we are becoming immune to it.

So anyway, all that to say that I am very happy to have Weeds to watch if I need a TV fix. It's funny because I went to purchase season 2 a few weeks ago and it wasn't on sale at Target, so when Daniel called to ask if I needed anything at Walmart, I asked him to check and see if it was on sale there. When he got home he informed me that they don't sell that show at Walmart. That just cracks me up. They won't sell a TV series that has drugs involved in it, yet they'll sell as many firearms as you would like. Gotta love it!! I could almost understand if they were completely against everything...porn, alcohol, drugs, weapons, and all those "anti-Christian" items, but when they start to pick and choose, it becomes hypocritical to me. So I have to say, no more Wal-mart for me (or for Daniel, sorry Daniel). I will have to purchase my firearms elsewhere. I should have asked Daniel if they were having a sale on the "Save our Kids" t-shirts :o

Okay, i feel like I'm on a total rant here...who's next....hmmmm...just teasing. I'm actually in a good mood today. It started when I went to he gym this morning. I finished my run on the treadmill and just felt really good. Some mornings it can be exhausting, but this morning it was invigorating.

After that I decided to stop at 7-11 for coffee....on a side note, I always feel like I'm second class because truth be told, I would take a cup of 7-11 flavored coffee over Starbucks any day. When I went in to get my coffee I was very excited because they had blueberry flavor. Yes, it sounds horrible, but it is quite good. As I poured my cup I literally started laughing at myself and the fact that I was truly happy about the coffee selection. It made me realize that it is the little things in life that can bring you joy. I mean, talk about low standards, a cup of flavored coffee was all I needed to start my day off on the right note....I guess they came up with slogan "oh thank Heaven for 7-11" for a reason :)

I want some Sex....

and the City that is :( I finished going through the series again, I must admit, I'm going to miss those girls. I even watched the extra bonus disc that included interviews, montages from the show, and various other tidbits of information.

I have to say, I love everything about this show. It is so well crafted in every aspect. The acting, writing, character development ~ it has everything.

I would have to say the only other comedy that I remember feeling such affinity for was The Mary Tyler Moore show. It makes me realize what a special thing it is when all the right elements line up to make a show a cultural phenomenon.

I'm sure Daniel will be glad to have a reprieve from the SATC theme music that played over and over between episodes. You may have a break for now, but just remember, my friends Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda will be coming to a theater near you very soon and that will be a BIG deal :)

Double Feature....

It was a double feature weekend. On Saturday night I went out to dinner with Henry, Troy and Norman. It was great to see Henry. It's funny, the last two times I've seen him it's been in Italy, we're so cosmopolitan :)

We went to dinner at a French Restaurant in Kensington. We thought we were going to the Green Tomato....but apparently it has ripened and has been plucked from the vine. We had a good meal and then we went to see Cut Sleeve Boys at the Ken. I really enjoy that movie theater. It's definitely has an old school movie theater motif....and it's cheap so that is always a plus. Cut Sleeve Boys was a crazy movie. It a low budget film with Asian style humor (per Norman and Henry) and it was set in London with British slang and mannerisms as well. It was a bit crazy, but quite enjoyable actually. The one guy dressed up as a self described "tranny" and he looked really pretty as a woman. Norman said he looked like Kristy Yamagucci as a woman (which I agree with). To even try to explain the plot wouldn't translate well but it was enjoyable to say the least.

Today was a busy day. I picked Ralph up and brought him to church since he can't drive. The service was really good ~ although we had to leave a bit early because Ralph wasn't feeling well. After church I went to brunch with Henry, Norman and Mito. We went to Baja Bettys. Cute waiter and decent meal. Actually that is a dangerous bar because with the lighting everyone had an angelic "is he really hot?" glow. With a few margaritas that could spell trouble...

After lunch we went to see Invasion at Fashion Valley. Overall I thought it was a good movie. It was perfect entertainment for a hot summer day when you are trying to escape the heat and reality. Nicole Kidman did a good job in it and the guy who played her husband was cute. As we were leaving, I heard someone say that it was totally unnecessary. I'm assuming they meant because it was a re-interpretation of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". In a way I can understand the comment. The 1978 version was really good (and to be fair, that was also a remake). Did this one add anything to the franchise?, not really, but it was still entertaining and it updated the story a bit. It's a tough call, when a movie is really good there almost isn't a need to remake it. You could watch the 1978 version again today and still be enthralled.

After the movie, Mito left to sin...I mean go to church :) and Norman dropped me off at home. I went over to MT and Tim's house so they could give me the instructions about watching the dog and house next week. I should really get to work at reading that manual ;) They also had a friend named Nathaniel over. He was really cute and really nice (and really straight). We chatted for a bit and had some dinner. Tim walked me through all the steps of feeding the dog and turning on the TV ~ and then I took Monroe for a test walk. I told Tim that I would pass on the opportunity to pick up Monroe's poop until I was actually watching him.

I had a really relaxing weekend, and it felt nice and long. It was just the right combination of plans with friends and down time (although it would have been better if my roommate had been here to share in the good times ~ figured I would throw that out there for you Daniel in case you are reading my blog while away :)

Well, I guess I better turn in for the evening.....although I'm afraid to go to sleep.....

Surfs Up...

Spent a beautiful day at the beach. It was just what I needed. I packed a cooler, brought my book (Dracula), music, a book on meditation (which is very interesting), and the Fall Preview Edition of Entertainment Weekly magazine. Look out Coronado, I was ready for a relaxing day at the beach. Also, the parking Gods were good to me and I found a decent spot, what more could you ask for.

It was really hot so the water felt amazingly refreshing. At one point I came back from the water and I just sat there and savored how lucky I am to live in such an amazing place. I wanted to anchor that amazing feeling and really connect it with all 5 senses. I had the touch of the water on my body and the sand between my toes, the breathtaking site of the beach with a beautiful sailboat off the shore, the sound of laughter and idle chatter and the crashing of the waves, the taste of the salt water, and the smell of the ocean air. It was really cool to consciously take a few minutes and drink in all of those sensations. I stayed at the beach for a few hours and it was perfect, I love days like that.

I had a good Friday night as well. Michael Todd organized an outing to listen to a swing band at an outdoor concert at the Trolley Park in University Heights. We each brought something to share (including wine). Michael Todd brought Monroe with him also (his dog). It was very crowded but we set out blankets and staked our claim on a good area. Este and Scott were also there, which was nice because I haven't seen them in forever. I really like them. Este is one of those people who seems so naturally cool. She was wearing this really cute Audrey Hepburnesque sun dress with her pixie haircut and these over sized black sunglasses. She definitely has the Euro chic thing down (it helps that she's from Spain :) They had a friend named Amy with them and she was really fun as well. Ralph was also there. This was his first outing since the surgery. It was really good to see him. He looks good and says the operation was a success. He brought his Mother, sister and brother in law and his nephew and niece. MT also had some other friends stop by for a bit. We stayed for a few hours (we were among the last to leave, the concert having been over for at least an hour). It was a fun time with good food, friends and spirits.

It was about 9pm when we all headed our separate ways. I went over to Bourbon for a bit. It was early and so I thought I would check it out. It was pretty crowded and wasn't overrun with Lesbians so that was good. Of course I went over to buy my drink and visit with Tyler. He's such a cutie (and Mito, he is MINE! :) ) It's funny, he said something about me being lean and I said yeah but I'm scrappy and I put up my fists. He replied that he liked scrappy and acted as if he was going to box with me. I like that word scrappy.....but I digress.

I ran into Asiah and Erik Swanson and a few of their friends but that was about it. I also ran into this guy named Jack that I had met through Mark when I first moved out here. He approached me and we chatted, I wasn't sure if he would remember me. I always felt like I had a little unfinished business with him.

I had met him at a party with Mark. He was very friendly and I thought he was cute ~ he's probably Mark's age, so he's in his late 40s I would guess. Well nothing happened at the party but I must have mentioned that I worked at the Warner Brothers store in UTC because the next time I went into work, they said a gentleman had been in that morning asking about me and had left a card (greeting card, not business card). It was a sweet card and he asked me out and gave me his number in it. I was touched and thought it was sweet...and never called him!! That was a really weird time for me, I was definitely at an all time low and was just coming to terms with my sexuality and coming out. I totally panicked and so I never called. I always felt bad about that.

He actually mentioned it last night and I got my chance to say sorry and to let him know how sweet I had thought it was and that I thought it was very charming. He seemed happy to hear the effect the card had on me. I felt like I had brought closure to the situation and we had come full circle.

I chatted with him for a while. It turns out he is going through a pretty rough patch right now. He and his partner of 3 years broke up and there is a house involved. I don't know what else is going on but he definitely seemed a bit in turmoil. I felt like our roles were completely reversed from when I met him. It made me realize how much I've evolved over the last 8 years, not better than I was before, just a realization that I have grown in so many ways since this California adventure began.

The Simpsons Movie....

One of the funniest parts of the movie is the entire rant that Homer does in the beginning of the movie ~ posing the question to the audience, "What idiot would go to the movies and pay to see something they can watch on TV for free??" For such a clueless idiot, Homer poses a great question. And that is just part of the Simpson's wit. Go anywhere, make fun of anything and do it all tongue in cheek.

I went to see the movie last night with Daniel and Mito. It wasn't a movie that I was rushing out to see, but my other choice was Harry Potter and I hadn't seen Parts 2 - 28 yet, so I thought the Simpsons was a safer bet.

Was the movie great? no, but it was very entertaining and each of us laughed out loud through out the movie. Could it wait for video, absolutely, and I bummed that I saw it in the movies, not at all.

One thing that I do admire is that these characters have become such a part of our national identity that you feel like they are real. Their personalities are so developed and you can actually care for them...and while they are cartoons, they emote more emotion than a lot of the living plastic in Hollywood.

So cheers to you Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Santa's Little Helper and Spider Pig I enjoyed spending time with you the other night.

Things that go bump in the Night....

and no Michael, I'm not talking about my bed :)
One thing I love to do is to spend time in Barnes & Noble looking through books and killing time. I wandered by some classics the other day ~ and went back to review some of the great titles I remember from childhood or from the reading list in high school (whether I read them or not is another story). To my amazement there it was ~ DRACULA, and it was $6.95. I can thank my Dad for the love of horror movies and books. He was always watching them when I was a child and I had a love/hate fascination with them.

I remember my parents had an old china cabinet in their bedroom. It was painted black and they had converted it to a storage chest. The top portion had reams of books. One of the books was Bram Stoker's Dracula. I can still remember the cover and the smell of the paperback pages. I was always drawn to it and felt the chill when handling the book and at a young age was aware of the mystery that surrounded the story. To be honest, I don't even know if I ever read it in my formative years, but we knew vampire movies in my house, that's for sure. I was always fascinated and yet scared shitless at the same time (that's a literary term for those who don't know).

Anyway, I decided to purchase the book and place it in my stack of "must reads". It didn't stay of the pile long. I decided to forgo the book I was reading and bite into Dracula (hee hee). The time had come to revisit the book and to experience the legend first hand.

On the first evening, I opened the book and all of a sudden I was acutely aware of being alone in the house. Now as I lay in bed with the night light on, the silence is deafening and every noise has a deeper meaning. It's amazing how the mind can play tricks on you and as I opened this book, I unleashed the fears and creepy feelings of a child afraid of things that go bump in the night.

It almost feels like a roller coaster. You are scared and yet you want the feeling to continue and you can't stop yourself from experiencing the exhilarating adventure. I was surprised how quickly the story jumped into the macabre and how our hero Jonathan Harker quickly realizes that there is more than meets the eye with his host. I'm only 75 pages in and yet I am drawn in further, looking for chances to steal away to read a bit more.

To me this is a classic. This spooky story has withstood the test of time and although the movies and romanticism have become part and parcel with the legend, the book is quite different than the that, and yet it is equally as engaging to me.

I write this entry tonight with the hopes this isn't my last blog. Things have been very strange and I'm not sure what my future holds. I only hope that if something should happen to me that this will be proof that something evil is out there and I feel like it's watching me and coveting my every move....oh wait a minute, I think that is probably someone in the chorus...nevermind :() (for those of you not familiar with the book, it's written in the style of journal entries by our protagonist :))

Bourne again...

and again and again. It's the end of a relaxing weekend and Daniel and I just got back from the movies. We went to see The Bourne Ultimatum. I actually stayed in on Friday night and watched The Bourne Identity and then stayed in on Saturday night and watch The Bourne Supremacy. They were all good. I think I liked the first one the best, then three and lastly two ~ although I was pleased with all three of them. Definitely a good combination of action and actual plot. I would call them the thinking man's action movies.

I needed a relaxing weekend after the last few weeks. I felt productive because I washed my car, cleaned the kitchen and did laundry, but I also had a lot of down time in there. I took a walk through Hillcrest yesterday and it was just nice to wander around without an agenda and spend some time by myself.

Today when I was sitting outside in the sun and reading a book I experienced one of the true joys of summer. One I can't remember experiencing for years. I ate the most delicious piece of watermelon right off the rind. It was juicy and messy and the juice ran down my face and hands and I didn't care! It felt like one of those carefree moments from childhood. I realized how neat and orderly I usually am and it felt good to throw all caution to the wind (I'm talking like I did some daredevil act :) and just enjoy the moment and not care about the mess.

I'm feeling a bit sleepy so I'll probably hit the hay soon. Today is the start of another week ~

Simply Steven....

Steven Brinberg was our guest star for this show. To be honest, I'm not a huge Barbra fan, so I wasn't over the moon like some of the boys in the chorus, but I must admit I was extremely impressed with his talent and his down to earth nature.

It's funny because some interesting conversations arose based on our guest star. The day we met Steven, Norman and I were having a conversation about dating someone who does "drag". I must admit, my answer was no (Norman said it wouldn't be a problem for him). I said I would just have a hard time telling my family what my boyfriend did for a living. I wasn't proud of the answer, but it was the truth. This all occurred before I met Steven and had the chance to watch him in action.

During our first rehearsal (pictured above) we had to sit and watch Steven as he did his set. It's funny because Joey loved my "pose" and thought I just looked completely enthralled with Barbra, which is the look he was going for. Truth be told, I was extremely tired and this was a pose that I felt I could rest my head in and still look like I was interested...go figure!!

As Steven rehearsed, I was taken aback by his talent. His range and falsetto are really amazing. I realized how much I enjoyed his voice when he sang in his Neil Diamond manly voice. This guy is definitely gifted. As I looked at him I realized how slight of frame he is and wondered what it was like for him in school. Here is a small Jewish boy who sang and dressed like Barbra Streisand. If that wasn't a recipe for being hung by your underwear in the locker room, I don't know what would be.

That afternoon we had lunch with Steven and got to know him. He was so pleasant and truly a kind person. I think just because he was playing a diva, I was expecting a diva. I was pleasantly surprised.

The next day we had our dress rehearsal. Again we assumed our spots on the stage but this time Steven arrived in all of his Barbra regalia. It's amazing how much taller he looked (and not just from the shoes) when he was dressed like Babs! Not only had he taken on her look, he also embodied her larger than life personality.

This time as I sat and watched (still extremely tired by the way, so of course I assumed my pose) I thought not of his slight frame or how he must of been beaten up, now I sat there in total admiration. Here was a guy who took all of the items that could have been considered liabilities or challenges and he channeled them into a passion ~ and he truly came across as a STAR. Instead of seeing a "drag performer" I saw a consummate professional ~ someone who crafted his raw talents into a fantastic persona. It was truly touching. It made me reconsider my conversation with Norman and second guess my answer.

Would I go out with someone who dresses up as a female entertainer, I'm not sure, but I do know that I wouldn't be able to give a definitive "no way" anymore. It also doesn't seem fair to label him as a drag queen. This was a talented singer and performer who wasn't just lip syncing to one of the classic drag queen tunes.

Now I would need more data, I'd want to know more about the person, were they kind, were they cute without make-up, what was their character. I have to admit though, the person being slight of frame and short in stature would still be a problem for me :)

The Diva by Diva Experience

It's hard to believe it's all over. I mentioned the empty feeling that I had when I wrote my last entry ~ so I figured I would take a minute to capture my favorite parts of this experience before they start to fade from memory...actually come to think of it things are starting to become a blur already :)

I really enjoyed this show and will go as far as to say that it was my favorite. While it was the most work ~ it was also the most rewarding. So here in no particular order are some of the things that I loved about this season....

- As you will see in the pix on the right ~ there were smiles to be had everywhere. Not just during the performance but throughout the season. Now I'm sure there were lots of different meaning and reasons behind the smiles and laughter (and I'm sure some were smirks) but the reasons ranged from...I can't believe we are going to simulate humping on stage (the nervous smile/laugh), the I finally figured out how to do the arm twist in vogue without bruising myself or others (I'm so proud smile), we've sold how many tickets going into tech week? (I'm going to smile so I don't cry if we sing and dance to the sound of crickets in the audience), and the you can go fuck yourself giggle (no explanation needed).

This was definitely the most choreography we've had in a show that I've done. I'm really proud of everyone. People really gave it there all, coming in early, practicing at home and generally keeping up a really great attitude. I loved the Andrews Sisters and the Supremes. Charlie, Yudi and Travis did a great job and Joey did a wonderful job with the choreography. My favorites for choreography that we did were the Cher/Madonna and Donna Summer sets. Although now that I think about it, I really enjoyed Divas of the Stage as well. The set I thought was the hardest to memorize choreography wise was the Divas of Soul. I got it down, but damn, how many times did we turn in that medley.

My actual favorite move was in the show was during the Supremes when we did the windmill move in "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" ~ I think I knocked out a few chorus members when doing that move, I was like, bitches I don't care who's behind me ~ my arms are coming your way...hee hee.

Everyone in the audience seemed to really love the show as well. Derek couldn't even think of a snide comment. I think the audience could tell how much we enjoyed doing it. I can't wait to see the video, it will be funny if it looks like crap after all this raving and patting ourselves on the back.

Thanks for the Memories...

This is it. This is all that was left at the end of the day when we completed the Diva by Diva extravaganza. It's hard to believe that just hours before this picture was taking the JCC was a buzz of energy and the cheers of adoring fans.

I'm feeling a little like this theatre today....a bit empty. We've spent the last two weeks intensively working to put on this show and now it's done....all just a memory. I think I was a little off today because of it. A bit of a post production blues. I guess it makes sense when you think about it. I'll blog more later about the experience, it was probably my favorite show preparation and performance. I am really amazed how much everyone put into this show ~ it was a labor of love for all involved. There are always going to be heightened reactions and jitters before the show ~ but overall it was a true testament to the power of the Chorus as an entity bigger than any one member. A real family affair...and we all know that all families are dysfunctional to some degree :)

Hairspray Review....

Lots to talk about regarding Pride and the Diva by Diva show, but it will take way too long to compose my thoughts this evening. I'm still tired from the show and want to make it an early night.

As part of my wind down, I took the day off and didn't do much and then I went to see Hairspray with Daniel, Michael, Norman and Mito. We went to the 5:30 showing at Fashion Valley...the only theatre that respectable gays go to (Michael wouldn't be caught dead at UltraStar! :)

I liked the movie. It wasn't great, but when I put together all of the elements that I liked, I would have to give it a thumbs up. It's cotton candy ~ good wholesome entertainment that had a nice message under its glossy veneer.

I loved the cast. Michelle Pfeifer is still a knockout after all these years. I think if I was straight she would be in my top five stars I would want as a wife (Jaclyn Smith will always be number one :) John Travolta did a good job. While watching previews I remember thinking he looked weird, but his performance was actually good enough that I forget that it was JT playing a woman and just enjoyed the character. Queen Latifah was very good as well. It's great to see what an all around star she has blossomed into. I was never a big fan of hers as a rapper (actually I can't even remember really hearing much of her rapping) but she has turned in some great performances as an actress ~ whether she is singing or not. The young cast was good as well ~ and James Marsten was dreamy as Corny Collins.

While it's a movie that can wait for video ~ although it's likable and I hope it does well at the box office. One bad musical and everyone can't wait to condemn the movie musical!!

Well, I'm off to bed. Back to work tomorrow and I'm tired....

Everyone is Welcome At This Table...

Woke up pretty early again today ~ about 7:30am. I hadn't set my alarm last night, I thought if I was tired I would just sleep in and not go to Church. Even though I was up in plenty of time, I still contemplated not going. I have lots to do around the house...or just lounging around sounded great as well. After all, I did have a long day of rehearsal yesterday.

Instead of formulating a list of reasons why not to go, I decided it was less energy to just take a shower, throw on some clothes and go. Even as I sat in the pew, I was less than enthusiastic. I was waiting patiently for service to start, so it could quickly end. Then, much to my dismay, I saw the youth group buzzing around with beads and American Flags...which surely meant they were getting ready to entertain the congregation with something....oh the experience was going to get even better!! Not for nothing, sometimes it's painful to watch them do their skits and/or presentations ~ especially when in a mood like I was in today.

Bob came in. He's a friendly older gentleman who "the boys" have become friendly with at Church. Really nice man. Interesting, he never stays through the end of service, always ducking out before they serve communion. I need to ask him why someday.

Anyway, a bright spot shown through when Nita Sothern, a surly old firecracker made her way over to Bob to make small talk. I've never talked to her personally, I actually didn't even know her name, but I love when she is at service. If she has something to say, she says it...and don't try to treat her like a little old lady you are placating. Bob pleasantly asked Nita how she was doing and her reply was "To soon to tell and soon it will be too late to care". I loved that response! So much so that I grabbed an offering envelope and pencil and promptly wrote it down. I didn't know her name, so I asked Bob for it so I could give her credit for the quote that I'm sure I'll be using again someday :)

Anyway, the service started and the passage of the week had to do with Noah, the flood, and rebirth. It would tie in nicely with the youth group presentation regar,ding their trip to New Orleans for hurricane Katrina relief work. During children's moment (which is different from the youth group) they talked about the rainbow and how that was Gods promise to the people that there would never be a flood again. I don't know why, but that warmed my heart. I guess it was just such a pleasant thought, and the sentiment is true in life ~ no matter what your beliefs are. Their is always calm and a rainbow after the "storm", no matter how bad it may seem at the time.

I felt a bit like the Grinch when his heart starts to grow because I just started to be present with the fact that I was at Church, verses continuing to debate why I went this week. I decided to listen to and absorb what was happening verses staying stuck in my head.

Reverend Jill was preaching today and she talked about the trip and had 4 of the youth share parts of their experience. It was so touching and inspiring. The words and thoughts from the "mouths of babes" was pure and such a good reminder of all things good. It also made me happy that these preteens and teens were doing something to give back to others. It was nice to see this type of involvement from the youth and made me feel good about the future. Such a different vision than the poor kids being dragged around by the protesters at the game last week.

Two women from the congregation talked about some Jubliee celebration that was going on. It's to help pay off world debt for third world nations. They said that it was inspired by an old Hebrew ritual in the Bible. The ritual was that every seven years, debts were cleared for all so that people could get equal footing and have a chance in the world. I thought that was a great equalizing force, something so missing in today's society. It made me think that we should also do this with emotional baggage and debt. Wouldn't it help to free those who have done us wrong or who have pained us, every seven years (or less). Think about all the baggage we could get rid of if we did that with our negative energy and pent up frustrations. Why only do this with material debts, would that help solve some of the problems in the world. While very simplistic, if we all truly did that can you imagine how different things would be? Not only would it be a gift to others, it would also be a gift to ourselves.

As always. the service ended with communion. My favorite part of the service is when the preacher, whoever it is, always makes a point to make the following statement after they talk about the bread and the cup of wine. They always say that this table is open to everyone and they explain the process of dipping the bread in the wine and them joining in the closing circle. I love that inclusive nature. I love the fact that although it is old hat for 98% of the people in the room, they ALWAYS explain that it is open to all and go through the process. It would be so easy to just go through the motions, but they specifically make a point to include and educate everyone. That is just beautiful and to me encapsulates what being a Christian is all about.

They always play a song as the individuals line up to take communion and this week it was "I'm gonna eat at the welcome table" ~ so appropriate for all the feelings I was having today.

I left the service feeling much better. I had done my spiritual exercising for the week. It really was much like exercise ~ sometimes you don't want to do it, but you always feel better afterwards. Now they just need to serve something other than bread during the service because we all know that carbs are no good for you ~ even if they are spiritual carbs :)

Tears on My Pillow...

I woke up abruptly at 6am this morning with tears streaming down my face. It wasn't just a tear or two rolling down my cheeks, definitely a river of tears. It reminded me of a child ~ the way the waterworks just pour down their face when they are upset, usually over something devastating like the fact that they can't have dessert :)

This is the second time in the past month that this has happened and both dreams were related to my parents. This one was really vivid. I was at my father's wake ~ not the actual one ~ definitely an environment that I've never seen before. There were all these people there and reporters and cameramen. I was wrapped up in my grief until I realized that they were doing an expose and taking information for a newscast.

I went crazy!! I went over and started screaming at cameramen and deleting their film and or grabbing tape recorders out of their hands. I'm sure I looked like Russell Crowe or Sean Penn, you know really in control of their emotions with the media. I finally gave up trying to battle all of them and just walked away and sank down into a pew and dissolved into my grief.

That's the moment I woke up. I just laid in bed and let the sadness wash over me for a while. It amazes me that after all this time I can have such intense dreams about my parents. It feels very unguarded when this happens because it wasn't like I was consciously thinking of my Dad or Mom before I went to bed the night before. The emotions are so strong and visceral that it doesn't feel like these are thoughts coming from my head, it feels like emotion just coming from my soul.

I went for a walk to get some money at the bank and feel better now and have shaken it off. I could get really depressed if I stay stuck in the anger of losing them or the emotions of not thinking it is fair, so I try to think "wow, what an impact these two people have had on my life that after all this time I can miss them so much and know that the love I feel for them still resonates so deeply in my core". Okay, that is going to make me cry again so I better come back to the shallow world of Diva by Diva and get ready for a long day of rehearsal.

Strike a Pose...or a Thousand!!

Okay, so after a busy week with things to do each evening, a date on Monday (more later), a sectional on Tuesday, practice on Wednesday, and an early dinner tonight with Jeff, I decided to be a good chorus boy and practice some of the choreography with the recordings that have been posted on line. Let me just say, there is a lot of choreography!! I consider myself semi-coordinated....I said semi and I'm trying to remember everything, I can't imagine how it's going to look when you add the total white boys from the Chorus!! The great thing is that the moves aren't too complicated; however, I think I pulled some muscles trying to figure out the "mirroring" effect on the videos. I can normally follow it, but when you start with your back to the camera and then turn and all of that is mirrored it can get a bit confusing to say the least.

All this and Norman and I haven't even gotten our '70s moves ready for the Donna Summer set!! I wonder if that choreography from Wednesday is going to pass Gary's grandmother test. Joey has definitely put a lot of thrusting in the show....I'll have to ask him how things are with his boyfriend, I'm thinking he has a lot of pent up energy...hee hee.

Well, I better put my leg warmers back on and start dancing like I've never danced before...MANIAC

Singing for Freedom

The previous post captured some of the images from our singing engagement at Petco Park. It was a great experience and the feeling of pride while walking on to the field to sing the National Anthem at a major league event is definitely one for the memoirs. I went to lunch with Norman, Alberto, Lyle and Mito and then drove down to the park at call time. As we approached the stadium we met the protesters. Individuals with red shirts with the slogan "Save our Kids" on them. You are always going to have narrow minded individuals so that part didn't bother me so much, what did bother me was to see them teaching their children to hate and discriminate. To see preteens handing out the information was appalling.

The great thing is the protesters were definitely in the minority and I am so grateful for the support that we were shown and the applause of the crowd. I am personally grateful and feel blessed to have so many amazing friends and family who sent me e-mails of encouragement and let me know how proud they were of what I was doing. It's funny how the most encouraging support can come from the most unexpected places. My sister Lynn called to wish me all best (which I totally expected) and then my brother in law Jeff got on the line and wished me well. In his stereotypical NY fashion he stated, "I don't know much about that lifestyle, but you got balls to stand up for yourself and I'm proud of you". If you don't get the idea of how that felt ~ picture Tony Soprano having an unexpected tender moment.

Even without the hoopla of protesters and supporters, singing behind second base at a national game would have been an amazing experience and I am thankful to have been part of such an exciting event.

Take me OUT to the ball game...

Goddess on a Mountain top...

Venus does it again.. I woke up at 6am this morning and had some Sex...and the City that is (an episode a day is great for you). After that I watched Venus Williams win her fourth Wimbledon title. I was hoping she would win. I was glad that I caught the match. I had wanted to see it and thought it was on at noon. I would have been bummed if I missed it. Sometimes, I love how things work out. I couldn't sleep, ended up waking up super early and because of that was able to catch the match I had wanted to see. Things happen for a reason :)

I'm Here....

Aren't these flowers pretty. Just a reminder to stop and smell the flowers